I always walk into a new relationship with the mentality that it is my last. I arrive and immediately unpack the baggage of past relationships, past hurts, and pains. I land with a bang, and within no time, I have all my struggles and insecurities hanging on the wardrobe. I come ready to stay I take a 70-year lease. The problem is, I never stay long. Every time I have walked into a relationship ready to set sail, I hardly ever leave the shore. So I sat down and analyzed what I do, and why I always end up out of the relationship before it begins.
It turns out I had expectations that were so high, that my partners would rather be single than try to meet them. I had no idea I had set the bar to be unrealistic. To solve this problem, I sat down to take a good look at what my overly high expectations were. Here is what I found:
Commitment expected early is seldom ever received
Relationships take time and nourishment, especially so if they are new. The initial stages of a relationship are the evaluations stage. “Is this the partner I want? Can I picture a long-term relationship with them?” etc. The challenge, however, is that people take different timelines to make decisions. Some people are sure from the first hug that they are home, while others take time. It turns out, there is no fixed range of time to commit, and expecting it too early is setting yourself for failure.
Within a month, you expect them to make you their priority. In the initial stages of a relationship, your partner still has their career, family goals and development goals as their priority. Which is perfectly fine. Time allows them to factor you in when they make decisions, and this could take time. Expecting to be number one on the list too fast can make your love interest run in the other direction.
My partner is the embodiment of perfection
When they say love is blind they probably forgot to add that, young love is what is blind. The first time you are infatuated with someone, they cannot do any wrong in your eyes. When we grow, life teaches us to keep from expecting perfection from our partners. The best attitude of approach would be, I love/like you, but I want to learn more about you. That allows you to like what you learn or not. However, they get to feel like they can be themselves around you without feeling like they have to live up to your expectations of them.
This relationship is going to solve all my problems
Expecting the relationship to solve all my issues is what hurts the most. It can take a long time to realize that your insecurities, your self-esteem issues are yours to handle. While your lover can make you feel good every so often, no relationship can solve all your problems in their entirety. Good relationships challenge us to be better; the hard work remains ours. Expecting a relationship to solve your problems is probably the highest expectation ever.
All free time must be relationship time
I recently read a blog post called “How to Maintain Your Independence In a Relationship.” The main premise of the post was that a relationship thrives the most when the individuals retain who they are in the relationship. If your partner loves a particular activity and you don’t, they have every right to keep at it. ,
Couples draw closer together when they divide their free time between actualizing themselves and bonding with their partners. Guess what? No, your partner doesn’t have to come to spin class with you. Let them nap. They probably will be in a better mood doing the latter rather than the former.
0.03s record text response time.
All of us have expected this of our partners at one point or the other. Within the minute it took them to reply, we conjured up images of them with someone else or them being in trouble. It has taken me a long time to realize that not everyone is as hooked to their phone as I am. Expecting to get an instant reply every time I send a message is being dramatic.
In conclusion, it is perfectly okay to have certain things you will not compromise on from the beginning of the relationship. The examples above are things that are not war-triggering. Walk into a new relationship with a spirit of adventure. Remember some adventures are not for everyone, but sometimes we get once in a lifetime experiences. Learn, listen, and grow.
The value of standing your ground
Everywhere you turn these days there is a mainstream media article, or blog post, or even a YouTube video on how to make your relationship stronger. You’re reading such a post right now. One thing most of them have in common is the insistence on the importance of compromise and sacrifice.
They are not entirely wrong about this as to make it work you might have to give up on a few things to make your partner comfortable. However, this does not mean that you indiscriminately give up all that makes you happy and makes you the individual you are for someone else. So where do you draw the line? Here are eight instances.
Eight times you need to stand your ground
Your healthy friendships
Healthy friendships are one of the biggest bones of contention in relationships. Your partner for some reason or other may not like your friends. For the most part, this could be a legitimate concern especially if your friends are not genuine or are not a good influence. However, if your partner is constantly critical about a perfectly healthy and supportive friendship, then that is a warning sign that you should heed.
Whoever said blood is thicker than water knew what they were talking about. Your family is probably the only group that can promise and then deliver on forever. So if your relationship threatens those powerful bonds, then there is a lot to worry about.
Your future and dreams
You should never give up on your dreams or career aspirations for anyone. Not even your prince/princess charming soulmate. There are, of course, a few exceptions where you may decide to put your aspirations on hold for stability. Taking a break is fine. However, if your discussions about this do not include specific timelines on when you get to go back to chasing your dreams, then you need to be ready to fight for what’s yours.
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Your faith; or lack thereof
Faith is one of those things that could either make or break your relationship. It also happens to be one of the few traits or values where both partners should be on the same page if things are to work out. If you and your partner disagree on these beliefs, then there will be trouble down the line. If you feel pressured to compromise your stance, then the chances are that you will end up feeling resentful which is always toxic. So find out early enough where your partner stands then take your position and stick to it.
Your feelings about exclusivity
Exclusivity is another one you both need to agree on. Maybe your partner wants to be in an open relationship, and you are not fond of the idea. Or maybe itis the other way around. If either of you has to compromise, then the chances are that someone or you both will end up getting hurt. So if you find yourselves not coming to an agreement, you might want to consider ending things before it is too late.
Your self-worth and self-love
Having healthy self-esteem is something of great value in an age where societal ideals of beauty and perfection constantly bombard us. It is, therefore, a treasure that you should guard at all costs. If any relationship threatens this security and sense of self-worth that you have built for yourself, then it is not worth it.
Your alone time
Being a couple does not mean that you lose your right to develop as an individual. That is where the value of time alone comes in. It doesn’t mean that you are pushing your partner away or avoiding spending time with them. It just means that you want to work on yourself as a separate entity so you can give your partner the best of love.
Your deal breakers and non-negotiable traits
If you have something on your major no-no list, then you should never compromise on it. It could be a pet peeve, a major deal breaker or even a non-negotiable trait that your ideal partner must have. If you are about to get into a relationship, you should never compromise on these. It doesn’t matter how good the rest of their personality is. When the warm fuzzy feelings wear out your will be left dealing with all those things you truly cannot stand.
It is important to remember that you are still an individual with needs and interests much as you are in a relationship. It is also crucial to understand that it is not healthy to make other people happy at your own expense. These eight things should, therefore, be guarded at all costs, even if it means losing the relationship. It sure beats losing yourself.
The post 8 Things You Should Never Compromise On In Your Relationship appeared first on Good Online Dating Sites.
So it’s a match!
Finding a match on online dating sites can be the most flattering and exciting experience. It means someone out there is as interested in you as you are in them. However, getting that glorious popup of your faces together does not mean that the fight is over. The journey has just begun.
How you choose to initiate conversation with the person you are interested in makes all the difference. All the work you put into setting up a killer profile and intriguing bio description could be undone with a simple hello. So you need to be careful with your choice of starter messages. To help you out, here are eight awesome ideas to try out and three horrible ones to avoid at all costs.
Eight ways to get started
A knock-knock joke
A knock-knock joke is a nice and simple way to get a person’s attention and initiate some back and forth banter. What is awesome about these jokes is the fact that they involve the other person’s participation. Once you break the ice with this, there will be enough of a sense of familiarity to carry out a good conversation. Just make sure that the joke is funny.
Ask a serious question
Instead of going the well-traveled comic route, you could surprise your match with a serious question. Ask about their views on something like global warming, fur or even pineapples on pizza. Yes, that last one counts as a serious question too. However, first make sure form the person’s profile that they are up for such depth so soon.
An iconic movie or TV show quote
Quotes are a great way to start a conversation if you get clues from their bio that they are interested in a specific movie or TV show. If they like it as much as they claim to this approach will get you further than all those boring people on their profiles leading with ‘Hey there.’
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A cheesy pickup line
Pick up lines are always a gamble when it comes to striking up a conversation in online dating. However, if used correctly they could be the fuel you need to propel your interactions from a simple match stage to acquaintances. The important thing here is to ensure that you do not go with the boring old washed up lines that they are probably getting from 4 other matches at the same time. Think outside the box (I mean look it up on the internet) and find something that will catch the person’s attention.
A question based on something from their profile
This trick is another one that allows you to create an air of familiarity for an easier flow of conversation. Take your time to go through the profile and find things you could ask about. It could be anything from the story behind that subtle tattoo to the meaning of that cryptic quote on their bio.
A tasteful compliment
A compliment will get you a long way with online dating. However do not focus so much on what you like about them physically that you end up coming across creepy. You should also be very careful not to cross the very fine line between being sweet and being rude.
Take the cute and cocky route with a witty statement
It could be something like “Guess whose lucky day it is? Yours. You’re welcome”. This confident approach usually works but could also fail massively. So it is always a gamble you need to be sure you are ready to make.
Comment on something you noticed you have in common
Maybe you can tell from his/her bio that you both like the outdoors or reading or even dogs. Leading with what you have in common with each other gives you a great place to start a meaningful conversation.
Three lines to avoid at all costs
In addition to the eight awesome lines, you should try, there are three that need to be avoided no matter what. The reason is that they are boring, overused and quite frankly annoying to reply to. Here are the three most forgettable opening messages that will leave you without a reply.
With all this information, you should have a pretty fair shot at the girl of your dreams or that unicorn of a man who chose you back. Just remember to avoid cliché, learn the art of moderation and be calm.
Cheating is probably one of the most devastating blows that any relationship can receive. Whether or not you saw it coming, there is no downplaying the feelings of hurt and betrayal that you are bound to experience. Figuring it out by yourself and early has been shown to lessen the blow for many. That way you are no blindsided, and you have time to get your ducks in a row to leave or stay.
So how do you find this out when most of them have mastered the art of deception and would rather go through a full torture session than admit the truth? The answer is simple; you need to be vigilant. More often than not, many subtle clues are pointing to infidelity all around you. You have to open your eyes to the truth. Here are a few of these signs.
Inexplicable tardiness or absences
When you suspect infidelity, tardiness an inexplicable absences are a red flag. Suddenly they are staying late at work and traveling more, and you know for a fact that this isn’t the norm for them. There is, of course, the chance that they are staying late for work, but it is always a good idea to look into it if you don’t buy the excuses.
Phubbing is what the cool kids on the block are now naming phone addiction. If your partner suddenly cannot put their phone down, then there is a lot to worry about. They are usually either communicating with new flames or looking for them online.
Weird phone call habits
Is he suddenly receiving calls at weird times of the night? Is she unwilling to pick certain phone calls when you are in the room with her? Whatever it is you notice there is likely cause for alarm. People who are cheating get very dodgy with their phone habits.
Sudden disinterest in the relationship
If your partner seems disconnected from you, then you might have a cheater on your hands. If there is no more communication in your couple then you may be in trouble. The disconnect is most obvious if they seem happy and excited about everything else other than your relationship. If you aren’t making him/her happy, you better believe there is someone else out there doing your job for you.
Unwillingness to introduce you to friends and family
Unwillingness to involve one’s family is usually a sign that you are the side-piece. The family has met the main girlfriend or boyfriend, and your partner knows that introducing you will only raise questions. So if you have been dating for a long time and he/she hasn’t exposed you to this side, then you might want to start packing.
Clues from their friends
Your significant other’s friends sometimes know more about them than you do. So if they started acting all weird and detached it could be that they are preparing themselves for the storm they know is coming. Some might even be kind enough to warn you about their pal’s misadventures, so you had better listen.
They keep lying about one thing or another
If you have caught your partner in one too many lies, you need to beware of chances that they are cheating. A person who is that comfortable spewing out lies is usually more likely to step out.
It could be a secret bank account, online dating profile or social media handle. Whatever it is, the fact that they are actively hiding it from you should raise questions. With the last 2, in particular, you have things like emotional infidelity and micro-cheating to worry about.
A significant history of infidelity
Everyone has a past and deserves a second chance. However, a leopard rarely changes its spots. If your partner callously cheated on past lovers, you might be the next one on his/her hit list.
Your intuition tells you something isn’t right
Sometimes your gut tells you something is wrong even without evidence. These are usually super subtle clues that your subconscious has picked up. So if you get a feeling that your partner is cheating do not ignore it.
Time to hit the road Jack/Jill
After all, is said and done, what you choose to do with the information you discover is entirely up to you. Maybe you want to stay. Maybe you want to leave. Or maybe you want to slash his tires or throw all her clothes out. Whatever your reaction is, the important thing is that you have the information to back up your suspicions.
It’s that glorious time of the year
Every season has something magical to offer your relationship as far as unique dating ideas are concerned. Fall, in particular, is perfect if you and your partner are lovers of the outdoors. There is just something about the beautiful blend of warm and chilly that makes leaving home an irresistible idea. However, it can be a little frustrating if you have no idea what to do with your time together. To help you out, here are ten awesome fall dating ideas you should try out.
Ten dates perfect for the season
Apples and fall go hand in hand with this being the season where the harvest is most bountiful. Apple picking is a simple yet incredibly romantic date idea that will have you outdoors surrounded by the beautiful aroma of fresh, crisp apples. You could also try out different apple-based recipes to complete the date on a tasty high note.
Hometown fall festivals
If you love festivals, then you will enjoy this date idea. For long distance relationships, in particular, it gives the perfect opportunity for hometown visits. You or your partner will get a feel of how the other grew up and the small (or big) town that molded your personalities. So whether it is a hay ride, a pumpkin patch or a fall carnival you are bound to have lots of fun.
Take a hike
The weather during fall is perfect for adventurous activities like hiking. It is warm enough for you to not worry about hypothermia while being cool enough that you don’t end up melting as you explore different areas. Plan a hike with your beau whether it is in a local reserve or a famous trail somewhere new. It is a great way to bond and have fun together.
If you do not want to leave the wild then make it your home for a night or 2. Camping is another great way to enjoy all that this season has to offer. You could stay up watching the stars, telling stories by the fire and simply enjoying each other’s company. It doesn’t get any better than that.
Visit a new city or town
The wilderness is a great fall dating site but if it isn’t your style you could always opt for a more modern setting for your couple adventures. Pick a new city or town to visit and get to exploring. It is a lot like camping and hiking only with tapped water, retail therapy, and paved paths.
Hit the local farmer’s market
There is something about fall that makes the farmer’s market so dreamy. It is probably because most of the best fruits and veggies are in season during this time of year. Therefore, you and your partner could choose to treat your senses to a plethora of colors, scents, and flavors with this date idea. To make it even more interesting, you should include a cooking session after to try out all you got from the market.
Getting creative with pumpkin carving is a great idea to try out when it is around Halloween. You will both have a blast whether you are naturally talented artists or you completely massacre your pumpkins.
Go on a liquor tasting adventure
Pick your poison whether it is wine, craft brews, ciders or even designer whiskey. After picking something you both can enjoy, find out the best locations to go tasting. Then pack a bag and set off on your adventure. It is bound to be a lot of fun.
Watch a football game
There are a lot of football games during this season in both the professional and amateur leagues. If you and your significant other are huge fans of the beautiful sport, then this is a great idea you should try out.
Test your guts in a haunted house tour
Finally, in the spirit of Halloween, this list would not be complete without a scary date. Visit a haunted house or a scary room facility and test your metal. It will be scary but getting to hold on to one another as you try not to scream your lungs out makes up for it.
There are too many awesome options for you to not enjoy fall as a couple. It doesn’t matter whether you are in a long distance relationship or you live under the same roof. Most if not all of these ideas give you both a chance to explore someplace new while the weather is still nice enough for it. So take advantage of it before winter comes, and you are stuck indoors.
Same old process; brand new rules
The online dating scene is very dynamic and despite being around for only a few decades has changed drastically. We are not talking about changes regarding features, services or even the technology used. It is about the different attitudes that members of this community are adopting and practicing. Let’s call them the rules of online dating.
When online dating started to go mainstream, there wasn’t much difference between this method and offline dating in terms of rules, roles, and expectations. However, a lot has changed in the past few years. Here is what online dating looks like in 2018.
Eight things that have changed in the online dating community
1. No one has time to sit by the phone waiting
Gone are the days when keeping your date waiting for days for a reply was considered cool. These days, all it takes is a few hours delay in replies, and you are history. So drop the hard to get act and reach out when you find someone you like. If you wait too long, they might not be interested when you are ready.
2. The waiting period for getting physical has changed
Another waiting rule that has changed is on sex. That, of course, has always been a personal issue where different people set their time limits. There was, however, a consensus among most daters that sex on the first date was a major no-no. That has changed a lot in 2018 with the sex liberation trend where people believe in exploring chemistry as soon as possible.
3. Monogamy is now a choice; not a requirement
It might be a bit of a bummer especially if you are the one-person type who doesn’t want to share. With so many options out there for singles to choose from, it comes as no surprise that so many do not want to settle for just one. It is something you should be clear about when things start getting serious. The last thing you want is to fall for someone who is not all yours.
4. Conversations get deep fast
Small talk and shallow conversations are these days considered a chore when it comes to online dating. No one has time for all that effort. So do not shy away from talking about polarizing topics like religion or sexual orientation. It is all anyone is interested in these days anyway.
5. You are not as anonymous as you would like to be
Hiding under a made up username will no longer help to hide you. With a name and picture any internet-savvy person can find out exactly who you are. So there is no need of lying about your past or present to impress anyone. They will know if you are lying.
6. Indoor dates are now trendy
Gone are the days when the only way to have fun on a date was a romantic outing. These days, online dates often culminate with indoor activities like movie marathons, arts and crafts, and even fun cook-offs. The important thing is to ensure that you know and trust the person enough to be in such a situation.
7. Girls can make the first move too
Gender roles have done a complete 180 in online dating’s recent past. What is the biggest change is the fact that women are now stepping up and making the first move. There are even websites dedicated to such women empowerment as well as protection where they are the only ones allowed to make the first move.
8. Anyone can pay on the date
Another major gender-related change is regarding paying for dates. There is still some debate about this with many online daters, especially men, insisting that the guy should pick up the tab for the first few dates. However, it is no longer awkward or completely unheard of for the girl to pay or cover separate costs like drinks or cabs.
In conclusion, the game has changed, and you need to be ready to adjust to the new rules. There is nothing wrong with sticking to your standards and rules. However, you need to be flexible enough to change with the times if you truly want to get the most out of this experience. So start by understanding what is different and work towards adapting and changing your dating style to make it easier on yourself.
Let the numbers do the talking
Everyone has a different online dating experience. You might get there and find the love of your life in the first click. It could take months or even years for someone else to get something from the process. While there are a lot of differences between personal experiences, there are a few realities that cut across the board. Below are nine of them and the figures to back it all.
Nine main facts and stats
There are truly many fish in the sea
If you have ever felt that you do not stand a chance because of all the competition, then know you are so wrong. These platforms are the true embodiment of the phrase ‘many fish in the sea.’ A recent study shows that up to 40% of the American population is active in online dating.
There are a lot of lies floating around out there
Not all is always as it seems on these sites. Many people take advantage of the relative anonymity to create new realities for themselves. In other words, people lie. 53% of users admit to lying about something. It could be anything from their real identity to the amount of money that they make. In a nutshell, you need to be careful and go into it with your guard up. Read our article about the potential online dating red flags to watch out for.
There is almost equal gender representation
There is a popular misconception that online dating sites are gross boys’ clubs full of male energy and testosterone. That couldn’t possibly be further from the truth. There is an almost equal representation of both sides with 52.4% male and 47.6% female being the cumulative average.
The most glorious profiles are often group efforts
One in every five users gets help with setting up their dating profile. Some don’t even set up the profiles themselves with friends going out of their way to pull them out of their single life slumps. The bad news here is that what you end up getting impressed with might end up being a genuine friend’s slight over-exaggeration.
Geography plays a huge role in success rates
Where you come from plays a huge role in determining the kind of online dating experience you will have. One way location matters is regarding some active users you meet. Urban and metropolitan settings offer the advantage of variety as there are very many people to choose from. The rural and small-town setting, on the other hand, leaves you with slim pickings.
Age is not just a number
We live in progressive times where age gap dating is becoming more and more acceptable. That, however, does not mean that all ages are equal. A 2018 study shows that women in their twenties and middle-aged men get the most attention on these platforms. Anyone else has to struggle a little more to get noticed. The good news is that there are very many niche sites that cater for specific age groups. That way, no one is left out.
All races don´t get equal treatment
It is very disappointing to find this happening in the 21st century. There are no statistics on racial attitudes among online dating site users. So no one is being called racists. However, some reports have shown that Asian men and African-American women get the least attention on the sites while Caucasian men and Latina women on sites like AmoLatina.com get the most love.
Breakups can be a little awkward
Breaking up with someone you have never met is a very unusual position to be in. However, this is the norm for many people in long distance relationships on online dating sites. When the time comes to call it quits texts and emails are the way to go with 48% choosing these simple routes. The rest choose to call or video chat to pass the unfortunate information. Very few in such relationships make an effort to do it in person.
The process works
The best fact is that this process works. 20% of people in committed relationships in 2018 report to have met online. So there is hope for you. All you have to do is put yourself out there, be proactive and trust the process. Within no time you will be an addition to this impressive and fast-growing statistic on online dating success.
A relationship doesn’t have a good chance of surviving if there are issues with the communication. The worst part is that those problems you think are insignificant later come to bite you after ignoring them allows them to blow up. So what exactly are these pitfalls that you should be looking out for? Here are 8 of the most common.
Eight communication snags to avoid
1. Late replies
That is not only a common communication snag but also a pet peeve for very many people. It more often than not applies to text messages but could also be unreturned calls. It leaves a bad taste in your partner’s mouth and makes them feel unimportant. So take a minute or two of your busy schedule to reply, and it will make all the difference.
2. … or no replies at all
Getting no replies is even worse than getting late replies. It shows a total disregard for not only the message but the sender. It will send your relationship to its grave faster than you can say the word ‘send’. So if you want things to work out, you might want to be bothered enough to respond. In this case, it is truly better to be later than not to reply at all.
3. Passive aggressiveness
That is a common source of miscommunication in relationships. The main reason is that there is no communication involved. You or your partner gets mad and disappointed, and instead of addressing the issue you end up in a silent treatment standoff. That is not a great way out and will leave your relationship with a lot of unaddressed baggage.
4. Communication devoid of passion and romance
If there is no difference between a phone call or text to your casual friends and those to your significant other, then you are doing something wrong. It should be so full of cheesiness that any spectators want to hurl. So include a couple of pet names and a ton of compliments, and you should be good to go.
5. Lack of clarity on important issues
The main issue here is the status of the relationship. Many people these days do not take time to answer the ‘what are we?’ question. Lack of clarity here could lead to misunderstandings that make the relationship toxic. So sit your partner down and have this and other hard talks like it. Your relationship will be all the better for it.
6. Not listening
This pitfall is particularly common when it comes to communication in times of conflict. It might not seem that way, but you are not always correct when you argue with your significant other. It is therefore very important to let your partner speak their truth. You will be surprised by how much you can learn from them.
7. Listening but not acting
You may also be one of those partners who listens but does not internalize what they hear. It is a small communication issue that may seem inconsequential but ends more relationships than most other problems on this list. If she tells you to put the toilet seat down and you keep ignoring her, then there will be trouble. If he insists on having you squeeze the toothpaste from the base and you go about your mid-tube ways, then you are just adding fuel to the fire that will burn your relationship. So listen, remember what your partner tells you and act on the corrections.
8. Failure to make your expectations known
Another major communication pitfall in relationships is a failure to communicate. That covers everything from expectations to concerns. You need to be open and honest about exactly what you want from your partner. It makes it easier for them to deliver ensuring the mutual enjoyment of the relationship’s benefits. Failure to open up means that you will most likely end up frustrated and hurt more often than you need to be.
The importance of healthy communication in a long lasting relationship cannot be emphasized enough. You cannot maintain the momentum when there are faults here. The eight pitfalls above are fortunately very easy to identify and to work out. So you do not have to worry about the inevitable death of the relationship if you experience one or more. All you have to do is be willing to put in the work to strengthen communication in your relationship. With such an attitude, there is truly no communication drawback that will be a match for your partnership.
The post Common Communication Pitfalls That Could End Your Relationship appeared first on Good Online Dating Sites.
It’s not all fairytales and happily ever afters
If you have found love online then you know it can be pure bliss. There is something incredibly gratifying about the struggle finally paying off. You now have a beau to show off and shut down all those haters with. However, do not let this new love blind you to potential relationship toxicity. No one wants to rain on your love parade, but it is important to acknowledge the fact that not all matches online are perfect. So here are a few red flags to look out for before you declare yourself 100% off the market.
Ten important red flags
1. If you are struggling with communication
That is a major red flag especially if your online relationship is also a long-distance one. Maybe one of you is not very open about what they want or expect from the relationship. Or it could be that there isn’t enough consistency in your interaction. If it is happening this early, it will only get worse once the novelty of new love wears off.
2. The I word: infidelity
Hate to sound like a cynical, but if they cheat once, there is always a good chance that they will do it again. That is, therefore, a major red flag that you truly cannot afford to ignore.
No one can tell you what to do in the event you find out that they are cheating. After all, every relationship is different. However, should you decide to give it another try you will have to work on honesty, trust, and communication to keep it from happening again.
3. Any kind of abuse
With online dating, emotional and psychological abuse are the most common types you have to look out for. It usually starts out small with subtle attacks on your insecurities. As soon as you see the first signs of this, you need to remove yourself from the situation.
4. Your friends and family don’t like him/her
Sometimes the critics are right and truly are looking out for your best interests. There are of course times when friends and family have baseless arguments in which case feel free to ignore. For example, if their issue is something like race, nationality or anything of the sort, then they shouldn’t matter. However, if they have reservations about things like your beau’s character, then you need to listen. It is for your good.
5. You keep editing your relationship’s public image
Sometimes friends and family will love your partner not because of who he is but because of what you tell them. If you find yourself telling half-truths and editing what you show them, then there is something wrong with that relationship.
6. Non-compromising behavior
Online relationships require a lot of compromise and sacrifice especially if there is distance involved. There is a lot to be concerned about if you find that you are the one always breaking your back to make things work. If this is the case, then you might want to explore new options because it will not get any better.
7. Unwillingness to commit
Do not allow yourself to be dragged along on a ride whose destination is unclear. If a guy or a girl says they just want to have fun and are not ready to commit exclusively to you, then you need to kick rocks. The chances are that they will continue using you and enjoying emotional, financial or even physical boyfriend/girlfriend benefits without doing any of the hard work.
8. Insecurity and lack of trust
When you do not trust your partner or vice versa, then there is a huge likelihood of things turning toxic. It doesn’t matter whether the insecurities have a foundation or not. Address the issue or break up; there is no other way out.
9. They are cagey about their past
That is a major red flag that could have serious repercussions if ignored. Yes, people do change, but if they have truly done so, they should be willing to open up about their past. It is important to give the other person time to reckon with their issues and come to you when they are ready. However, if it seems to be taking too long, it is probably best to move on.
10. Your gut is telling you something isn’t right
Sometimes the biggest red flags are the most subtle. It will be a nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that something doesn’t add up with this person. If you feel that way, then run for the hills and do not look back. You do not need any proof or validation here because after all is said and done our primal instincts rarely fail us.
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Everyone dreams of finding that special someone they get to spend forever with. However, it is not all fun and lovey-dovey games with long-term relationships. In fact, it seems that the longer you stay with someone, the more challenges you have to deal with over time.
So, how do you keep things interesting? How do you avoid getting to a point where you would rather drink a hot cup of soda every meal than continue being in that relationship? Here are ten secrets to help you sustain your bond.
1. Appreciate your differences
Finding things you have in common with your partner is a huge part of building a strong relationship. The problems start when you become so focused on this that any small difference seems like a deal breaker. In order to make a long-term relationship work, you need to not only accept your differences but learn to love them as well.
Sometimes these differences are what make the relationship work. Take the example of money management. Say you are a spendthrift whose bank account is an ever-flowing waterfall. Your partner, on the other hand, only spends when absolutely necessary. You might feel like they are holding you back, but in instances, like these, the conflict is actually beneficial to both parties in the relationship.
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2. Learn to live in the moment
Something happens to couples when they spend too much time together. Maybe it is the familiarity or the loss of wonder that drives you to some weird hyper-focus on the future. You are constantly planning for everything from your next home project to your retirement package. There is nothing wrong with this, but it will turn you into a tunnel-vision robot and make your relationship boring.
Learn to live in the moment and have fun if and when you can. Surprise your beau at work with lunch. Plan a random vacation in the middle of the year. This spontaneity helps to keep things interesting and lively for a healthier and stronger relationship.
3. Expect and embrace change
Most of us don’t like change. I mean, it’s nice and safe in those little bubbles we work so hard to build. You know exactly what to expect and exactly how to handle challenges. But the way life is designed, change is inevitable. You will change, your partner will change, and your lives together will change.
Embracing this and learning to go with the flow is vital to ensuring the long-term survival of your relationship. It is also a great way for you and your partner to grow both on an individual and joint basis.
4. Enjoy your individual journey of physical intimacy
Working on physical intimacy is another secret to maintaining a long-term relationship. This type of connection is unlike any other you will have with your partner. It should therefore not be neglected or allowed to go stale simply because of familiarity.
It is true that your excitement for each other might not be as much as it was when you were getting started. However, this does not mean that years down the line things like sex and forehead kisses become monotonous chores. Try your best to spice it up and make sure that you do it on your own terms; not on society’s. This means that all those tips and tricks propagated as the truth should only be used as complementary sources of information, not complete guides.
5. Understand that no one is perfect
We all make mistakes. That is a fact of life. When you are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, you might not be in the best position to spot these imperfections. However, with time you get to see your significant other without stars in your eyes, and you might not always like what you see.
If this happens to you and before you decide to call it quits, remember that no one is perfect. You need to be willing to give people a chance despite their shortcomings. That doesn’t mean you have to let them get away with every little mistake. Simply figure out what your hard passes and negotiables are, and you should be able to make sound decisions.
6. Be honest; even when it hurts
If you are planning on spending the rest of your life with someone you cannot afford to be coy about your emotions. It is important that you are honest with each other, even when you are afraid that the truth might hurt one of you. This ensures that issues that could later cause your relationship some trouble are dealt with before it is too late.
7. Be nice and kind to each other
Above all else, you and your partner should be friends. And friends do nice things for one another. This doesn’t necessarily mean buying them expensive gifts or making grand romantic gestures. Sometimes it is the little things that matter most.
Do the dishes when you know he or she is exhausted after work. Leave a nice note in their lunch box or car to remind them to be happy. Get off work early to spend a little extra time talking and goofing off. These little acts of kindness are more powerful than you think and might just be what your relationship needs to survive.
8. Give each other some space and freedom
Most of the tips and secrets on this list about doing things together or for each other. Sometimes, to make a long-term relationship work you need some time apart.
Get to work on yourselves whether emotionally, socially or even professionally. This doesn’t mean that you completely ice your partner out of your life. It just means allowing them that few extra hours in their home office to finish the project. Or letting her go on that girl’s getaway trip with her sisters for some R and R.
9. Make it a family affair
Do not just focus on your significant other when building something you want to last. Try as much as you can to get your families involved. Meet their parents and relatives, and your partner meet yours. Above all else, this creates a sense of security that every relationship needs to last. It also gives you someone other than yourselves to be accountable to.
The post 9 Secrets to Long-Term Love Revealed by the Experts appeared first on Good Online Dating Sites.